Angel
by ShaynainShambles
Summary: Sam faces some internal demons, questioning why Dean would choose him over Cas, trying to push Dean to Cas where he believes his older brother belongs. Dean tries to convince his brother otherwise. Warnings: Wincest, hinted Destiel, angst, schmoop


Word Prompt: Angel

Warnings: Wincest, hinted Destiel, angst, schmoop

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><p>Angel<p>

"Go on, Dean. I've got the research taken care of. You and Cas need to go find Alastair," Sam, told Dean, laying a reassuring hand on his shoulder, pushing him towards the trench coat-wearing angel.

"Right. C'mon, Cas," were the only words that Dean uttered before Cas whisked them both away with a small touch to Dean's forehead.

The moment the hallucinated flurry of wings ceased to echo in the motel room, Sam allowed the book in his hands to collapse on the table littered with similar readings before dropping his head down with a reverberating crash.

Sam sighed loudly into the silence, letting the sound overwhelm the room before picking his head up and dropping it back down repeatedly until he could feel the force of the books taking their toll on his overworking mind.

Arms crossed on top of the books, allowing his head to find the pillow of the new resting place on top of the pile of books.

The younger Winchester could not focus on the readings before him; what would normally have his college brain, as Dean would put it, excited, now wore him out.

He cursed his older brother and the angel who was taking his brother and lover from him.

He deserved it, he reasoned to himself.

Why would Dean want him, Lucifer's vessel infused with demon blood, when he could have a pure, perfect angel?

He wouldn't.

That is why, Sam reasoned, he left Dean with Cas. Stood out of their way. Let Dean be happy with the purity and happiness he deserved.

That does not mean that it has to hurt any less, though.

Another sign escaped from a drained, emotionally and physically Sam, before he allowed his hazel eyes to droop closed in an attempt to shut out the pain that he knew would follow his Dean leaving without a thought to Sam.

Hours later, that is how Dean, recently apparated back to the motel, found Sam; hunched, head laying over crossed arms, bangs shielding closed hazel eyes, and a frown seemingly permanently etched into his brother's strong jaw. Dean also noted the unusually taut strain of Sam's shoulders beneath his tight undershirt.

Hoping to ease whatever it was that was troubling his brother, Dean quietly found a spot behind him before letting his slightly blood encrusted hands, from "talking to Alastair", run lightly over Sam's back and shoulders, hoping to find the worst of the tension.

At the initial touch, Sam arched and tensed more in his sleep before recognizing the familiar warmth and feel of Dean and returning to his initial position, unconsciously allowing Dean to continue his ministrations.

The elder brother returned to running one of his hands soothingly over Sam's spine, like he knew his brother loved, causing a quiet hum to vibrate through Sam. Meanwhile, the other took refuge on Sam's right shoulder before beginning to knead at the muscle there, the knot unfurling with Dean's practiced motions.

Once some of the tension had eased, and the arch of Sam's back loosened to a less painful angle, Dean switched hands, one finding and loosening Sam's left shoulder and the other changing position to run through Sam's tousled mane.

As the knots were eased out as much as possible considering Sam's uncomfortable situation, Dean leaned down, full lips pressed against Sam's ear, and whispered, "Come on, Sammy. Time to wake up," soothing Sam into wakefulness before guiding his younger brother into a sitting position.

"Mmm, De?" Sam mumbled questioningly, "I thought you were with Cas?"

Dean chuckled with love, "I was, love," and Sam smiled at the term of endearment before letting the frown win over the moment Dean continued in what Sam would consider Dean's resentful tone, "I'm back."

Noticing the frown, Dean prepared himself for another chick flick moment, expecting Sam to begin a conversation about how he was feeling. But he was startled when Sam did nothing but fall back into his hunch, burying his head deep into his arms before mumbling a tired, "Okay."

The elder Winchester's brows furrowed in confusion, but he retreated from Sam, not wanting to involve himself in the in-depth conversation he knew was coming, especially so soon after trying to take care of Alastair.

Instead of standing there, Dean began to move back, mumbling the same back to Sam before sneaking off into the bathroom to shower and wash the blood from his body.

When the door slammed closed and the sound of water running reached Sam's ears, another sigh escaped as did a muffled, "I'm sorry, Dean,"

"For what are you atoning, Sam?"

The sudden sound of Cas' voice in the room startled Sam so much that he burst out of his seat, falling into a heap of limps on the floor behind him.

Hearing the commotion outside of the room, Dean, clad only in a towel around his waist, rushed out of the bathroom, arms in a fighting stance.

"What happened?" Dean shouted.

"Goddamn it, Cas," Sam mumbled before trying to untangle himself and stand.

Cas titled his head and stated, "My apologies."

Both Winchesters let out a sigh at the familiar formal tone of their friend, Sam's a little longer than Dean's.

"Sam, why are you asking for forgiveness from your brother when he cannot hear you?"

A startled expression appeared on Dean's face and an ashamed one on Sam's.

"Nothing, Cas. It was nothing," Sam denied without tone.

"No, Sam. It's not nothing. You asked for forgiveness? For what?" asked Dean, genuinely confused.

"Nothing, okay! Nothing."

The frown marring Sam's face deepened further as he turned to grab his over shirt and keys.

Afraid of Sam running out on him, Dean began to shout, "It's not nothing, Sam! You always try to get me to talk, so just talk to me!"

Sam chuckled at the irony of Dean trying to get Sam to talk before quieting at the feel of Dean's fingers comfortingly splayed across his shoulders.

"Please, Sam?"

Sam sighed before picking up the seat that had fallen and retreated into its uncomfortable embrace, letting his head fall so that long bangs covered his eyes.

"Cas," Sam began, "Could you maybe, well, leave?"

Dean and Cas shared a questioning look before Dean nodded to Cas to go. Without another sound, the angel had vanished.

The older brother took one of the other chairs at the table and dragged it beside Sam before taking a seat himself. He took one of Sam's large, trembling hands in his before using the other to move the shielding bangs so he could clear a path into his brother's eyes.

"What's going on, Sammy?"

Sighing once more, Sam began to try to speak before quieting once more and shaking his numbly.

"Sam?" Dean questioned worryingly.

"It's nothing, Dean, really."

"Sam. Sammy. Please?"

Unable to refuse his brother, Sam stared between them at his and Dean's clasped hands before attempting to begin once more.

"You," he began, "You and Cas…You should be together."

Dean pulled back, startled and exclaimed, "What?"

"You 'share a more profound bond'," he continued, the frown getting deeper as he stared down at his, now, lonely hands sitting in his lap.

"Sam," Dean began, "Sam, look at me."

His brother did not move an inch, so Dean took his own hand and gently forced Sam's head up, gazing deeply into his brother's hazel eyes.

"Is that what this is about? Something that Cas said?" Dean almost shouted, causing his brother to cringe in response.

"No, Dean," Sam trailed off for a moment before continuing, "It's more than that. You deserve him; he is an angel, literally…He's beautiful inside and out and you two…you just get along so well. You two are right."

"Beautiful inside and out? Sam," Dean began, "do you think you're not…? Do you think that we don't get along? Do you think that we are wrong? You and me?"

Silence and Sam to gaze, defeated, back into his lap were Dean's only answer.

"Sammy…Cas and I…We're friends, yeah. But no one could ever begin to replace you. You're my Sammy. You're my everything. You are beautiful inside and out."

"What about the demon blood!" Sam interjected, "What about killing people without thought and being Lucifer's vessel!"

"You're still my Sammy…" Dean mumbled, genuinely, taking Sam's hands back into his, embracing them.

Sam remained silent, staring down at their hands.

"You have always been there for me, Sammy, and I have always been there for you. We are the Winchester brothers; that's how it will always be. People have come and gone in our lives, but we have always been there for each other. We are forever. We are right. Not me and Cas. Not you and Ruby or Lucifer or anyone. You and me. Sam and Dean."

Sam sighed deeply, hazel eyes tearing before a single drop landed on their hands. With that, the dam broke and tear after tear fell, leaving Sam a shaking shell before his brother.

"Sammy," Dean muttered before leaning forward and drawing his brother into a protective embrace, just as he used to do when Sam was still a child, afraid of what lurked in the dark at night.

The sobs shook them both before Sam managed to gain hold of himself and they began to subside, yet Dean did not let go until Sam began to gently, almost reluctantly pull himself away.

"Sorry," Sam railed, wiping at the tracks that marred his face.

"Don't be, Sammy," Dean smiled soothingly, petting at the nape of Sam's neck. "But, Sammy, what brought this on?"

Sam looked away before muttering to the wall, "I just see you…Dean, you're perfect…And I see him, Cas, and he's an angel. A living, breathing angel. Then I look into the mirror and I see me. I see a monster, Dean. Worse than a monster. A monster that could never in a million years deserve you. And somehow, you choose me over Cas and I just can't believe it. I can never believe it. I'm sorry to do this to you. To bother you. Everything."

Sam wiped the last remnants of tears from his face, pulling himself together, and back away from Dean. He then stood up tall, grabbed his keys and turned towards the door, laying a palm on the knob, not opening it; just laying it there.

"I'll call, Dean…" Sam began without turning to look at his brother, "I love you. Thank you…I don't deserve you, yet you stick by me."

Water began to quiver in Dean's eyes, not knowing what Sam had planned; thinking that his brother, his lover would be leaving him.

"I will be back if you want me, Dean. I just…want you to think about your options before you truly decide that you want a monster…Maybe that will give me enough time to figure out how to change to be what you deserve."

Sam twisted the knob, opened the door, and began to step through the door frame before a panicked Dean rocketed forward and grasped his free hand.

"I don't understand why you are doing this Sam…I said that I want you. I don't want to let you go. Please, I barely survived you leaving the first time. Please, don't do this again!" Dean babbled, the wall within him breaking at the thought.

"I just want you to think, Dean. Please, just promise me you will…Think about your options. I've caused you so much pain…Even now I continue to do it; I just want you to be sure this is what you want; that I am what you want, because I don't think I can step back in the future…Not for Cassie or Lisa or random bar chicks. Just think about it. I'll be back tomorrow, whether to stay or to pack my bags will be your choice.

Please, Dean, just consider your options. All of them."

With that, Sam walked through the door and out of the motel, leaving Dean standing, staring out after him, a single tear making its way down his devastated face.

"Maybe you'll understand that all I want is you, Sam. Maybe you just need time…" Dean whispered; the breeze gently carrying the sentiment into the nature surrounding him; eventually making its way into Sam's ear.

"Maybe one day, De…" Sam whispered back, the stillness silencing his words, without a trace.


End file.
